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Two Top-Bands-of-All-Time Lists (and Tool Isn't in the Top 50 of Either)

Mon, 12/15/2008 - 23:42 — BlogStupid

Have you met someone who thinks their band is the greatest band that ever existed in the history of the universe? Yeah, that nut-job. If you've been alive for a little while at all, you know that when someone says something is the end-all, be-all of anything, they're a whack-job. In my experience, these people also tend to claim that they are "open-minded" or "enlightened." Someone who is enlightened knows that nothing is ever "the best ever." What is the best is subjective.

Just in case there is a question about the definition of, "subjective:"

sub·jec·tive adj.
1 a : relating to or determined by the mind as the subject of experience b : characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived rather than as independent of mind c : relating to or being experience or knowledge as conditioned by personal mental characteristics or states
"subjective." Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary. Merriam-Webster, Inc. 15 Dec. 2008.

I like the Beattles and Van Halen. I do honestly think that the Beattles are the best band ever in my humble opinion. Some would go so far as to say that they are arguably so, since they hold the top spot for albums sales, period. But, I also understand that not everyone thinks that, regardless of album sales, so I don't say that to others unless they ask for my opinion. Likewise, I think Edward Van Halen is the greatest guitarist ever (factoring in his innovations and his undeniable talent), but that's what I think (my opinion) and that may not be the opinion of others. So what? Big deal.

Regardless of what you think, your band is not the greatest band ever. It isn't. Suck it up. Pull your head out of your ass. There are all manner of creatives in the music industry and your person-of-interest isn't the best of them all, so get over it and shut up about it unless someone asks your opinion.

And, while you're busy shutting up about the greatest band of all time in all the universe, don't be a dick and explain why the other person's band sucks or doesn't measure. If you do that, you're a self-centered, ignorant pinhead who is not particularly "enlightened." Although, someone like you usually enlightens everyone around them by making absurd remarks like the aforementioned.

Anyway, what I wanted to do was post a couple of lists of artists and the way they've been ranked based on statistics so that normal people like us can direct stupid my-band-is-besters to a list of hard facts and numbers.

The first list comes from the Recording Industry Association of America ("RIAA"). They have a list of artists/bands sorted by the sheer number of albums they've sold in the history of the band and of RIAA record keeping. I grabbed the top 50 from

Artist Certified Units in Millions
1. BEATLES, THE 170
2. BROOKS, GARTH 128
3. PRESLEY, ELVIS 118.5
4. LED ZEPPELIN 111.5
5. EAGLES 100
6. JOEL, BILLY 79.5
7. PINK FLOYD 74.5
8. STREISAND, BARBRA 71
9. AC/DC 71
10. JOHN, ELTON 70
11. STRAIT, GEORGE 67.5
12. AEROSMITH 66.5
13. ROLLING STONES, THE 66
14. SPRINGSTEEN, BRUCE 63.5
15. MADONNA 63.5
16. CAREY, MARIAH 62.5
17. JACKSON, MICHAEL 60.5
18. METALLICA 58
19. VAN HALEN 56.5
20. HOUSTON, WHITNEY 54
21. ROGERS, KENNY 51
22. U2 50.5
23. DION, CELINE 50
24. FLEETWOOD MAC 48.5
25. DIAMOND, NEIL 48.5
26. KENNY G 48
27. TWAIN, SHANIA 48
28. JOURNEY 46
29. ALABAMA 46
30. SANTANA 43
31. CLAPTON, ERIC 42.5
32. GUNS 'N ROSES 42.5
33. JACKSON, ALAN 42.5
34. SEGER, BOB AND THE SILVER BULLET BAND 41
35. MC ENTIRE, REBA 40.5
36. PRINCE 39.5
37. SIMON & GARFUNKEL 38.5
38. CHICAGO 38
39. FOREIGNER 37.5
40. BACKSTREET BOYS 37
41. DYLAN, BOB 37
42. STEWART, ROD 37
43. 2 PAC 36.5
44. MC GRAW, TIM 35
45. DEF LEPPARD 35
46. NELSON, WILLIE 35
47. BON JOVI 34
48. COLLINS, PHIL 33.5
49. KELLY, R. 33
50. TAYLOR, JAMES 33

The next table comes from AVRev.com. They wrote up a list of the Top 100 Bands of All Time. They brought together a group of industry experts and music aficionados and had then rank based on a number of statistics and their own impressions and feelings about the groups listed. It's kinda like the BCS (of NCAA football) for the best bands/artists in the industry as ranked first by record sales and radio play. Here it is:

  Band 1 to 100 1 to 50 1 to 550
  U.S. Sales Songs Technical Ability Innovation Live Performance Consistency Random Play Total
1. Led Zeppelin 99 95 98 93 48 48 47 528
2. The Beatles 100 98 78 99 45 47 47 514
3. Pink Floyd 97 91 92 96 48 43 39 506
4. The Jimi Hendrix Experience 68 95 99 99 49 46 47 503
5. Van Halen 91 87 97 93 44 42 42 496
6. Queen 84 91 91 91 45 46 45 493
7. The Eagles 98 95 84 68 42 47 45 479
8. Metallica 92 84 87 87 46 39 33 468
9. U2 90 84 73 78 48 46 36 455
10. Bob Marley and the Wailers 59 92 72 93 44 47 47 454
11. The Police 71 91 91 72 38 44 44 451
12. The Doors 82 87 75 88 39 43 36 450
13. Stone Temple Pilots 61 86 85 87 43 40 44 446
14. Rush 75 74 98 77 43 42 35 444
15. Genesis 67 84 83 81 41 42 38 436
16. Prince and the Revolution 58 87 84 79 45 40 42 435
17. Yes 52 75 94 89 46 38 40 434
18. Earth Wind and Fire 73 88 91 68 39 39 35 433
19. The Bee Gees 78 88 76 73 35 39 39 428
20. The Rolling Stones 94 89 66 68 41 32 28 418
21. The Beach Boys 66 81 73 89 34 33 38 414
22. Soundgarden 43 78 83 86 40 41 42 413
23. The Who 65 75 84 73 44 37 34 412
24. Steely Dan 49 84 85 87 29 37 40 411
25. James Brown and the JBs 9 89 89 93 44 42 42 408
26. AC/DC 96 73 68 50 40 37 36 400
27. Fleetwood Mac 89 79 75 54 37 36 28 398
28. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young 62 79 81 63 39 38 34 396
29. The Allman Brothers 39 75 86 77 41 39 37 394
30. ZZ Top 76 71 75 48 42 41 39 392
31. Aerosmith 95 78 72 47 37 35 27 391
32. Cream 28 77 87 84 47 32 35 390
33. Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 93 68 62 50 48 37 28 386
34. The Grateful Dead 60 62 69 85 46 33 30 385
35. Guns 'N Roses 87 73 76 51 34 29 31 381
36. Pearl Jam 81 54 55 89 42 31 26 378
37. Boston 83 67 74 57 37 30 29 377
38. Dire Straits 57 73 78 53 36 35 31 363
39. King Crimson 7 60 96 84 44 35 36 362
40. Parliament Funkadelic 27 72 78 82 37 35 30 361
41. Red Hot Chili Peppers 63 68 68 59 41 29 28 356
42. Bon Jovi 85 74 73 31 39 29 24 355
43. Dixie Chicks 80 53 59 85 26 33 17 353
44. Foreigner 86 70 66 45 33 29 23 352
45. David Bowie and The Spiders From Mars 30 71 73 75 38 33 31 351
46. The Talking Heads 37 71 69 66 38 34 33 348
47. Jethro Tull 50 61 71 75 36 26 28 347
48. The Band 21 71 77 64 39 38 34 344
49. The Beastie Boys 69 53 40 88 36 30 27 343
50. Nirvana 77 53 45 88 37 25 17 342